This past weekend was my sister Leanne's wedding. She was a stunning and radiant bride, and I am so thankful that despite my poor health, I was able to go. However, because of my poor health, there were many things I was not able to do at the wedding: I was supposed to be in the wedding party, but had to step down because I would not have been able to manage that; I wanted to contribute by helping with wedding preparations, set up, clean up, etc but I was not able; I wanted at least to catch up with friends and family at the wedding and reception but I was so unwell, I could hardly stand, let alone hold a conversation.
Those were just a few of the limitations I lived with this past weekend. In everyday life, there are far more. I do not do well in situations where there are lots of people, lights, sounds, smells, activity. Lately, I seem to be suffering from neurological problems, possibly even epileptic-like episodes/seizures. I feel like my brain starts flickering; I get very confused; although I am kind of aware of my surroundings, I struggle to communicate even simple things like 'help me'; I start to twitch uncontrollably; my eyesight seems to be affected somehow; my heart starts to beat rapidly; and I am rendered completely incapacitated. As I have mentioned before, I also struggle with severe sensitivities to food, chemicals, fragrances; I suffer a great deal of widespread body pain; I am often fighting debilitating fatigue; my concentration levels are severely limited; I am very weak and unable to exert very much energy (thus unable to walk very far, or do very much - it can be even difficult to manage a smile when happy).
These things obviously interrupt my daily life - my ability to function as normal people function. However, these things also have also had drastic implications on my ambitions, hopes and dreams. I wanted to be a missionary, or in full-time ministry helping the needy. I wanted to help my husband in some kind of kids outreach program. I wanted to do lots of activities with my daughter, and even start learning how to homeschool. I wanted to pursue courses in nutrition or in Biblical counseling. Now I know that even if my health had allowed me to pursue these things, I would not have been able to accomplish them all. I just wanted to give you an idea of what has been given up, or put on hold.
We all have disappointments in life. We all have hopes and dreams that have had to be given up. We have all faced a set of circumstances that has changed the course of our lives. I wanted to share what God has been teaching me at this time, and hopefully be an encouragement to you.
Although life is not the way I thought it would be, I presently know a great deal of peace and joy. No, it is not always easy, and frustration and bitterness especially creep in on the days when there's extreme pain. I hate pain, and do not like living with it. However, for the most part, presently I am not frustrated or bitter about the lot that God has given to me. Although my hopes and dreams were good, God is teaching me that accomplishing great things is not what life is all about. Life is about submission to God's will, and loving Him no matter what life He call us to. Even Jesus Christ prayed 'Not my will, but Yours be done.' Jesus had more right than any of us to make demands. But instead, He submitted to God and died a cruel and shameful death on a cross. I know peace about my limitations and failed hopes and dreams because I know that God's purpose is being done in my life, even in my sickness. God is graciously granting me the privilege of persevering through difficulty, so my life may be a testimony of faith to Him. I still trust and love Him when everything I wanted to do has been taken away from me. This glorifies God, and right now, this glorifies Him more than what I could 'do' for Him.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2
Tuesday 21 February 2012
Wednesday 8 February 2012
Understanding My Food Restrictions
Unfortunately, I don't even understand my food restrictions, but I thought it might be helpful to share what I do know about them. I've had several people, even doctors, question whether my restrictions are necessary. Some people are concerned that I am not getting enough nutrition or variety in my diet. Others simply think I've put too much stock in alternative and naturopathic therapies, and should lighten up a bit - in other words, they think I've allowed certain naturopaths to convince me I have more food sensitivities than I really do - it's all in my head. Others just don't understand how sensitive I am, and when trying to serve meals to me forget how important it is to be very careful to follow my restrictions. I understand I'm the odd one out, and that although food sensitivities are increasing in our population, they are very uncommon. This fact alone can lead to many misunderstandings and false judgments of my condition. I hope I can shed some light for you on my experience of food sensitivities, especially since it is a growing problem and you may one day face this issue yourself or in your own family.
I first started discovering some of my food sensitivities in 2006 when I went on an elimination diet. At the time I was very unwell, struggling with great amounts of fatigue, body pain and stomach pain. I felt bloated all the time. I even knew that something I was eating was hurting me, but had no idea where to begin to figure out what. I went to a naturopath for the purpose of figuring out if I had any food sensitivities. She eliminated all the most common food sensitivities from my diet for a couple months, then had me add each food back into my diet one at a time. This is when I discovered my gluten intolerance (wheat, barley, rye, spelt, kamut) and my tomato sensitivity. When I added gluten back into my diet, I felt like I had eaten 2 cakes in one sitting (in other words I was very bloated) and was struck with a very intense and strange muscle weakness/fatigue that would last 4 days. When I added tomato back into my diet, I experienced extreme muslce inflammation all over my body. On the other hand, when I eliminated tomatoes, I stopped having knee pain (which I had had for years). My reactions to these things are not in my head, because I have reacted to them when I didn't even know I had eaten them (I would discover after experiencing pain that the problem food had been a hidden ingredient).
As my health has declined, I have found my food sensitivities are increasing. I have learned to be very aware of my body, and what causes it harm (whether it be food, environmental, electromagnetic, etc). This is part of the reason I know what my restrictions are. However, in the last couple years, I have also had some tests done through my naturopath which have verified that I am actually sensitive to the foods I have restricted from my diet.
Now, if I eat a food I am sensitive to, my body immediately pays the consequences. I will usually be unable to sleep because the pain in my stomach is so severe. I will suffer from constipation. Sometimes, I feel as though I have been punched hard in the stomach. I will often experience widespread muscle inflammation for a few days, and increased fatigue. My mood will very often be affected, and I'll be more susceptible to anger. The culprit food can debilitate my body for several days. I keep trying to convince myself that if I just keep trying these foods, I will get over my sensitivities, so I cheat frequently. Sadly, every time the reaction to that food gets worse and worse. My husband Sony gets quite exasperated with my experiments, because he's the one who has to live with me when the pain hits. He knows better than I do myself that these food restrictions are real and necessary. Obviously, I'd prefer not to have them...life would be SO much easier!!! But I do have them, and even though some people doubt them, I need to stick to this strict diet and press on. Thankfully God is gracious, and helps me bear with all these things, and gives me much hope for heaven where I will have my pick food for eternity!!!
Here's a list of my restrictions to give you an idea of all I have had to give up. Some people have it far worse than I do, so I am thankful that it's not worse and so far I have been able to manage them. It is a complicated business trying to prepare meals for myself, but I have learned and am learning. So here's the list:
I first started discovering some of my food sensitivities in 2006 when I went on an elimination diet. At the time I was very unwell, struggling with great amounts of fatigue, body pain and stomach pain. I felt bloated all the time. I even knew that something I was eating was hurting me, but had no idea where to begin to figure out what. I went to a naturopath for the purpose of figuring out if I had any food sensitivities. She eliminated all the most common food sensitivities from my diet for a couple months, then had me add each food back into my diet one at a time. This is when I discovered my gluten intolerance (wheat, barley, rye, spelt, kamut) and my tomato sensitivity. When I added gluten back into my diet, I felt like I had eaten 2 cakes in one sitting (in other words I was very bloated) and was struck with a very intense and strange muscle weakness/fatigue that would last 4 days. When I added tomato back into my diet, I experienced extreme muslce inflammation all over my body. On the other hand, when I eliminated tomatoes, I stopped having knee pain (which I had had for years). My reactions to these things are not in my head, because I have reacted to them when I didn't even know I had eaten them (I would discover after experiencing pain that the problem food had been a hidden ingredient).
As my health has declined, I have found my food sensitivities are increasing. I have learned to be very aware of my body, and what causes it harm (whether it be food, environmental, electromagnetic, etc). This is part of the reason I know what my restrictions are. However, in the last couple years, I have also had some tests done through my naturopath which have verified that I am actually sensitive to the foods I have restricted from my diet.
Now, if I eat a food I am sensitive to, my body immediately pays the consequences. I will usually be unable to sleep because the pain in my stomach is so severe. I will suffer from constipation. Sometimes, I feel as though I have been punched hard in the stomach. I will often experience widespread muscle inflammation for a few days, and increased fatigue. My mood will very often be affected, and I'll be more susceptible to anger. The culprit food can debilitate my body for several days. I keep trying to convince myself that if I just keep trying these foods, I will get over my sensitivities, so I cheat frequently. Sadly, every time the reaction to that food gets worse and worse. My husband Sony gets quite exasperated with my experiments, because he's the one who has to live with me when the pain hits. He knows better than I do myself that these food restrictions are real and necessary. Obviously, I'd prefer not to have them...life would be SO much easier!!! But I do have them, and even though some people doubt them, I need to stick to this strict diet and press on. Thankfully God is gracious, and helps me bear with all these things, and gives me much hope for heaven where I will have my pick food for eternity!!!
Here's a list of my restrictions to give you an idea of all I have had to give up. Some people have it far worse than I do, so I am thankful that it's not worse and so far I have been able to manage them. It is a complicated business trying to prepare meals for myself, but I have learned and am learning. So here's the list:
- Dairy
- Gluten
- Tomatoes
- Peppers
- Eggplant
- Soy
- Caffeine (chocolate, coffee, tea)
- Eggs
- Lentils/beans
- Seeds (chia, sunflower, sesame, etc)
- Quinoa
- Sugar
- Honey
- Maple Syrup
- Preservatives
- Additives
- Food Colouring
- Peanuts
- Vegetable oil (really am only able to have olive and coconut oil)
- Beef
- Pork
- Shellfish
Tuesday 7 February 2012
Millet
Yesterday I wrote about how I had discovered some new foods and new flavours because of my dietary restrictions. One of those foods was millet. Millet is a gluten-free grain, that has a lovely nutty flavour. It looks like little yellow pellets, smaller than rice. You can find it in natural health food stores, and even in the natural food section of many grocery stores (Uncle Bob Brand). For me, the discovery of millet was a wonderful surprise and comfort. I had recently discovered that I was extremely sensitive even to gluten-free oats, and I was devastated. You may think I'm weird, but I LOVE oatmeal porridge, as well as granola, and baked goods made with oats. If I had to choose between being able to have wheat, or being able to have oats, there would be no contest!!! Oats would be the hands down winner. Anyway, I had a pretty heavy heart over this matter of losing oats from my diet when I tried millet. Now, don't get me wrong, millet is NOTHING like oats. However, the new flavour and texture of millet delighted me. It was like a gift from heaven, God comforting my soul and telling me that my life wouldn't be completely devoid of enjoyment in food. I realise I may seem a little melodramatic, but before you judge, please imagine your favourite food and then finding out it significantly hurts your body with great amounts of pain to the point of being unable to function when eating it. Imagine your future without your favourite food, but having to see it all around you, enjoyed by everyone else but you. It's a big deal, isn't it!!! Well, God used millet to soothe my soul, and help me to submit to my circumstances.
You cook millet like you cook any other grain. Put in a pot, put plenty of water over it, bring it to a boil, then let it simmer until the water is soaked up by the grain (just like with rice). I usually add some salt and oil to the water to give the millet an extra fluffiness (otherwise it can be rather dry).
Ways I like to enjoy millet:
You cook millet like you cook any other grain. Put in a pot, put plenty of water over it, bring it to a boil, then let it simmer until the water is soaked up by the grain (just like with rice). I usually add some salt and oil to the water to give the millet an extra fluffiness (otherwise it can be rather dry).
Ways I like to enjoy millet:
- I like it just straight, with a good dab of butter or oil (I use coconut oil) and some salt. I'll eat it like this at any meal.
- For breakfast, my whole family likes it cooked with raisins, and then we add almond or peanut butter, and again some salt. It's delicious!!! If it seems dry, I'll also add some oil.
- As a salad, I love to add grated carrots, parsley, brocolli and a homemade lemon vinaigrette (olive oil, apple cider vinegar, lemon juice and sea salt). Sometimes I add tahini to the vinaigrette which gives it a different flavour.
Monday 6 February 2012
Food Restrictions: Trial or Blessing?
I have many food sensitivities that seem to be ever increasing. This can make food preparation VERY challenging!!! I have had to say goodbye to many of my favourite foods over the years, and trust me, the tragedy of this reality has been difficult to accept. I keep pleading with God, 'Oh please just don't take away dairy from me', or 'Please don't take away honey, black tea, or maple syrup'. The list goes on and on, and God's answer is, 'How much are you willing to deny for Me, will you gracefully give up your most beloved foods for My purposes even when you don't yet know what those purposes are?' I could refuse, and cling to those foods, harming my body more and more so that I am harming the temple of the Holy Spirit. Or I could give in to the food restrictions, but be filled with resentment, envying everyone who has the privilege of eating an ice cream cone, granola for breakfast, earl grey lattes, cheesecake, creamy pastas, croissants, vietnamese deep fried spring rolls, pad thai, green curry, and all my other favourite foods. But that would be a miserable existence, especially since I am always around people who eat what I cannot eat.
God has called me to put these 'earthly treasures' on the altar, to sacrifice them, and peacefully submit to Him. Therefore, I want to honour God by joyfully accepting even these small sufferings. In God's grace, He has in turn blessed me by giving me access to a whole new realm of food. It's like I've discovered new colours, each one uniquely beautiful and alive!!! When people have food restrictions, they often try to replace what they used to like with something comparable (like replacing a grilled cheese sandwich with gluten free bread and soy cheese). However, I've discovered that trying to mimic foods is often very disappointing, and only makes me want the original more. Instead, God has shown me how to love to food I am able to eat, without comparing it to something else. I am able to enjoy it for what it is, something filled with new flavours to experience!!! I am learning to enjoy my new foods more than I every enjoyed the old foods. These new foods are filled with flavour, but are also far healthier so they are guilt-free!!! Now I rarely every feel guilty about what I have eaten, even when I have dessert!!! The only time I feel guilty is if I have cheated, and had a bit what will hurt me (even 'healthy' things, like tomato, piece of cheese, lentils). But this guilt is not so much because I fear weight gain or high cholesterol, but because I know I will experience lots of pain in my intestines, and will be prevented from giving all my attention to my family because it will take time to heal.
Anyway, I just wanted to praise God for teaching me submission in this matter, and blessing me with love for the broad spectrum of foods He has created!!! If any of you like adventure, I challenge you to try some new ways of eating your foods!!! It's amazing what variety is out there to be enjoyed!
Here is a recipe for a Cauliflower Pasta Sauce that I whipped up last night. It is vegan for those who are vegetarians (I can't have dairy, and I am taking a small break from meat for the next couple weeks). My whole family went crazy over it!!! Very delicious, filling, and a new way to get in your veggies, as well as eat lighter.
Cauliflower Pasta Sauce
God has called me to put these 'earthly treasures' on the altar, to sacrifice them, and peacefully submit to Him. Therefore, I want to honour God by joyfully accepting even these small sufferings. In God's grace, He has in turn blessed me by giving me access to a whole new realm of food. It's like I've discovered new colours, each one uniquely beautiful and alive!!! When people have food restrictions, they often try to replace what they used to like with something comparable (like replacing a grilled cheese sandwich with gluten free bread and soy cheese). However, I've discovered that trying to mimic foods is often very disappointing, and only makes me want the original more. Instead, God has shown me how to love to food I am able to eat, without comparing it to something else. I am able to enjoy it for what it is, something filled with new flavours to experience!!! I am learning to enjoy my new foods more than I every enjoyed the old foods. These new foods are filled with flavour, but are also far healthier so they are guilt-free!!! Now I rarely every feel guilty about what I have eaten, even when I have dessert!!! The only time I feel guilty is if I have cheated, and had a bit what will hurt me (even 'healthy' things, like tomato, piece of cheese, lentils). But this guilt is not so much because I fear weight gain or high cholesterol, but because I know I will experience lots of pain in my intestines, and will be prevented from giving all my attention to my family because it will take time to heal.
Anyway, I just wanted to praise God for teaching me submission in this matter, and blessing me with love for the broad spectrum of foods He has created!!! If any of you like adventure, I challenge you to try some new ways of eating your foods!!! It's amazing what variety is out there to be enjoyed!
Here is a recipe for a Cauliflower Pasta Sauce that I whipped up last night. It is vegan for those who are vegetarians (I can't have dairy, and I am taking a small break from meat for the next couple weeks). My whole family went crazy over it!!! Very delicious, filling, and a new way to get in your veggies, as well as eat lighter.
Cauliflower Pasta Sauce
- 1 head cauliflower
- minced garlic
- 1/2 tsp sea salt
- juice of half a lemon
- almond milk (or water, or other 'milk')
- optional: onions, diced
Friday 3 February 2012
Update - Some Test Results
It's been a long time since I have updated my blog, for which I apologise. Although there has been some improvements in my health, I have found that every spare moment I have is spent napping or doing some small chore. Praise God that I am now able to nap in the afternoons (my body rebelled against naps before) and that I am able to sometimes do light chores!!! What a blessing and provision from my merciful Saviour!
The Christmas season was wonderful. Although I was still very weak physically, the pain I usually endure was greatly reduced, which allowed me to enjoy the season of preparing for the holidays, and spending time with family. January has been spent recovering from the Christmas season. I was pretty tired out from those minor preparations, and small gatherings. I've been resting quite a bit.
In that time, I have also had 2 tests done...an MRI, and an EEG. The test results have finally come in this week. The MRI results were clear, which means that MS has been ruled out!!! Praise God. However, the EEG revealed some abnormal brain activity. My family doctor is concerned that it may be myoclonic epilepsy (a milder form of epilepsy, that doesn't usually involve grand mal seizures, but does involve less severe seizure like symptoms). I will see a neurologist in March, and he will decide on whether or not this is the diagnosis.
I am not sure what to think of these results. I am relieved in a sense that the test results are evidence that something is not normal. For the first time, my family doctor actually believed my descriptions of my symptoms. Before he would always pass the symptoms off as depression which I could never understand. How are things like uncontrollable twitching and oversensitivity to flashing lights in any way linked to depression? Beats me!!! So, yes, it is a wonderful relief to be taken seriously. However, I have no idea what this diagnosis of epilepsy would mean for me or my family in my future. I guess we will take it one step at a time.
I am still convinced that Lyme Disease is the ultimate culprit, and has caused these neurological disruptions. However, I am not sure whether the damage done will be permanent or not. Again, we will have to take it one step at a time, and trust God no matter what the future holds.
We covet your prayers, as Sony and I seek wisdom to know what treatments to pursue.
The Christmas season was wonderful. Although I was still very weak physically, the pain I usually endure was greatly reduced, which allowed me to enjoy the season of preparing for the holidays, and spending time with family. January has been spent recovering from the Christmas season. I was pretty tired out from those minor preparations, and small gatherings. I've been resting quite a bit.
In that time, I have also had 2 tests done...an MRI, and an EEG. The test results have finally come in this week. The MRI results were clear, which means that MS has been ruled out!!! Praise God. However, the EEG revealed some abnormal brain activity. My family doctor is concerned that it may be myoclonic epilepsy (a milder form of epilepsy, that doesn't usually involve grand mal seizures, but does involve less severe seizure like symptoms). I will see a neurologist in March, and he will decide on whether or not this is the diagnosis.
I am not sure what to think of these results. I am relieved in a sense that the test results are evidence that something is not normal. For the first time, my family doctor actually believed my descriptions of my symptoms. Before he would always pass the symptoms off as depression which I could never understand. How are things like uncontrollable twitching and oversensitivity to flashing lights in any way linked to depression? Beats me!!! So, yes, it is a wonderful relief to be taken seriously. However, I have no idea what this diagnosis of epilepsy would mean for me or my family in my future. I guess we will take it one step at a time.
I am still convinced that Lyme Disease is the ultimate culprit, and has caused these neurological disruptions. However, I am not sure whether the damage done will be permanent or not. Again, we will have to take it one step at a time, and trust God no matter what the future holds.
We covet your prayers, as Sony and I seek wisdom to know what treatments to pursue.
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