An Introduction

Welcome to my blog.

I suspect my time on here will be limited considering the severe limitations of my body and mind. However, when I am able, I wanted to share my struggles in order to shed light on the reality of suffering in God's people. Especially in this country, life is pretty easy for the vast majority of people. Traffic jams, lineups at the grocery store, relational conflicts, flus, colds and headaches are often the extent of suffering on an average day in the average person. Don't misunderstand me, I know everyone suffers to some extent, and I do have compassion for any suffering, no matter how small. And every Christian must experience greater degrees of suffering. However, not everyone experiences longterm, widespread suffering. I share my story, not to say that I suffer the worst. There are many who suffer far more than I, those who have lost loved ones, those who are frought with far worse diseases, those who are lonely, those who live in war torn countries, etc. I share my story to encourage Christians to consider others, to enter into their pain, and to have a better understanding of how to pray and provide for them. I am just one example of one who experiences longterm, widespread suffering, and it is mild compared with many others.

I struggle with lots of things. I have struggled with a lot of things. I am extraordinarily sensitive, in body and soul, and have been aquainted with a broken heart as well as a broken body. I will be focusing on my broken body, and the consequences that has had on my heart.

I have have had fibromyalgia symptoms (widespread intense pain) and profound fatigue since the fall of 2003. Since then I have discovered I have many food and environmental allergies/sensitivities. I have been to doctor after doctor seeking help and seeking answers. It was only last year that I found a doctor who would really help me. That's 7 years of struggling completely on my own. In that time, I had no choice but to work. My family was unable to support me. For several years I worked in a shoe store, which demanded a lot of physical activity. There were many days I was in tears as I worked, struggling to keep customers from seeing my agony. I yearned for rest, but no matter how much I rested, my body was still exhausted and in pain. I didn't share the extent of my struggles with anyone. On occassion I would call home and tell my dad I couldn't do it anymore, the pain was unbearable. He would convince me to press on, and so I would at great physical cost. When a receptionist job became available, I jumped at it, even though I had a pay cut. I quickly discovered that the pain and exhaustion would consume my life, no matter what kind of job I worked. My health has been going downhill, and now I am unable to work, in fact, hardly able to leave my house. Much of the time I am bedridden. There is nothing I can take for the pain. It used to be I would sleep, but never feel rested. Now I have difficulty sleeping and the lack of sleep kills me. The nights I am unable to sleep terrify me as the pain rages unrelentlessly. The days following I can barely walk.

Sometimes life is just unbearable. My health right now is the worst it's ever been. Sometimes the pain is so terrible these days, that I plead with the Lord to take me home and let me leave this life. I am a huge burden on my husband, and only able to do the bare minimum to care for my baby. I put her on the floor in my living room, and watch her play while laying on the couch every day. You have know idea how this breaks my heart.

I am currently seeing a doctor (Dr. Krop in Mississauga) who thinks I have had Lyme Disease (from a tick bite) since the fall of 2003. From hair analysis and other tests, my doctors say I too have heavy metal toxins. I also have candida and parasites. It also looks like I had a dairy and gluten allergy from the time of my birth which has also aggravated my condition. The Lyme Disease diagnosis has been complicated. I already had those other things I listed (candida, parasites, food allergy, toxins), and wasn’t in excellent health to say the least. I was overweight growing up and couldn’t lose weight no matter what I tried. I had tendonitis in both of my arms that was really hindering life, but that was the extent of my difficulties. Then I moved to New Hampshire in 2003. Within a month or two, I was hit with profound fatigue, which later developed into widespread severe pain, concentrated in my lower back. I didn’t know anything about Lyme Disease when I went to New Hampshire. I lived on a farm on a mountain. loved walking in the woods, and sitting in the woods to do my quiet time. I would go out in short sleeves and shorts. Eventually the other people there told me about Lyme Disease. I think by that time it was already too late. I don’t remember if I got bit or if I got a rash, because I didn’t know anything about Lyme. I was always getting rashes, so it wouldn’t be a big deal. And in the woods, pulling off a little bug is every day stuff. Not the kind of stuff I can remember. They sent me home in July 2004 because I was so sick. Some of them told me to see if I had Lyme. I trusted my doctors to find out what was wrong with me and had no idea that Lyme Disease was not known or understood in Canada (it still isn’t). The doctors told me I had fibromyalgia or that I was depressed and gave me no help whatsoever. I went to a Naturopath a couple times, and that helped me realise my gluten allergy. I got a little better (a bit less pain, a bit more energy), but I wasn’t normal. I started going downhill again (though didn’t want to admit it at first). I was cheap, and didn’t want to spend money on holistic doctors, and I was worried to about naturopaths (some of them are a little too new age). Well, I got desperate, and my husband insisted I see the holistic doctor. I saw Dr. Jaconello who did extensive testing, and he is the one who found the heavy metals. Just a couple months ago, a friend of mine was in touch, and after hearing my story, she highly recommended I see Dr. Krop. She has had a lot healing with him. Plus, he really cares, and she says he’s like a second dad to her. Dr. Krop is a retired MD working now as a Homeopathic Doctor. He specializes in Lyme Disease. He used a Vega Machine to test me (it’s a homeopathic device that is about 80% correct). He tested Lyme disease and all the co-infections of Lyme Disease (ticks often carry more than the Lyme bacteria). He also tested me for a wide variety of food sensitivities. I tested positive for Lyme and all of the co-infections but one. I might have been a little wary of the results, but all the food sensitivities that showed were accurate (I’ve pretty much figured out everything I can’t eat on my own). The few foods that came up as a sensitivity were also correct. As soon as I eliminated them, my stomach issues had greatly subsided. Plus, the heavy metal toxicity was positive (just like Dr. Jaconello’s bloodwork showed), and other severe environmental allergies I already knew about tested positive. So I guess the accuracy of this test in other areas made me more confident about the Lyme Disease.

I am undergoing alternative treatments with Dr. Krop. I am also getting help from a Naturopath who specializes in fibromyalgia. I just found her as well. She worked hand in hand with Dr. Alison Bested, MD who has done a lot of research of fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue. Dr. Bested wrote the book Hope and Help for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. I highly recommend this book. She strongly encourages CFS/FM patients to start an activity log, and to re-order their lives so that every activity is surrounded by rest. Rest is feet up and eyes closed. If symptoms are very severe (as they are for me right now), when there is a doctor’s appointment on one day, the day before and after need to be devoted to rest. This has been helping me a lot. It also works on a smaller scale. If I wash the dishes, I rest before and after (sometimes my rest is just sitting down, but feet up and eyes closed is definitely far more effective).

This is the summary of my physical trials. In following entries, I hope to share other ways in which I struggle, give more information about Lyme Disease (it is a growing epidemic in North America), give more information about fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, share tasty recipes for allergy-free living, offer hope to those who suffer, and offer insight into how we as a church can be showing mercy to those in need.